Written by Sushmita Sarkhel | Bengaluru |
Updated: April 21, 2016 2:42 pm
Growing up, I never really questioned my sexual behavioural patterns. I remember being a 21-year-old (ultra-naive) undergraduate wanting to meet ‘the one’ so I could lose my virginity to him and be with him forever and ever.
Well, I did meet ‘the one’ and we had sex; six months later, we broke up. I guess he wasn’t really ‘the one’ – nor were the others after that. But more than that, I realised, I didn’t want to have sex with just ‘the one’. I wanted to safely experiment and explore my sexuality without having to worry that I was ‘abnormal’.
Also read: The four biggest sex myths about men busted
Because we’ve all heard it, right? Women want monogamy. Men want casual sex. Women are ‘programmed’ to pick partners solely based on their evolutionary need to procreate. Where do these ‘facts’ come from any way? And are they actually for real?
It’s time to put some of these pseudo-scientific claims to rest.
Women are naturally inclined to be monogamous and have fewer sexual partners
“One of our most comforting assumptions, that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale…it’s almost comical how long this myth has been mistaken for law,” says Daniel Bergner author of ‘What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire‘. His claim has been substantiated by studies carried out in Germany and Canada, among others, which show that women also tend to get sexually bored in monogamous relationships.
Women don’t like casual sex and prefer to be in relationships
According to conventional ‘wisdom’, women are more likely to want a relationship because we’re more interested than men in establishing an emotional connection. Men, on the other hand, simply want sex, sex, and more sex, and hence opt for the casual sex route. We now have empirical evidence to suggest otherwise. Terri Conley at Department of Psychology, University of Michigan, carried out a study and concludes by saying, “that once you remove the stigma associated with women having multiple partners, women are just as likely as men to engage in casual sex.”
Women are pickier when it comes to choosing mates
Back in 1984, AJ Bateman came up with a theory (Bateman Principle) about how women were picky about their mates, while men just wanted to sow their oats. His findings (now proven to be false) struck a cultural chord and for over 60 years have permeated in modern-day culture. The truth? Fruit Fly experiments cannot be translated to human behaviour and is just a double standard caused by scientific bias. “It turns out that if men are doing the approaching,” says Conley, “their potential female partners are choosier. However, if you turn the tables and have women do the approaching, it’s the men who now become the more discerning gender. Simply approaching a potential dating partner causes that someone to look at you in a new light.”
Read all the Let’s Talk columns here.
Women are more inclined to be bisexual than men
We can thank the popularity of lesbian porn for this one. While people nowadays claim that sexuality is fluid, it has been a common misconception that women are naturally more bisexual than men. Thankfully, a recent study debunked that myth. Research suggests that both women and men may be somewhat “fluid” in their sexual feelings and behaviours.
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